Arranged Marriages: Did we abandon a system that worked?

a very great morning and good morning, good afternoon from wherever you're listening from. This is the month of UG and we are live from compiler to the rest of the world. Gentlemen, it's good to be here again. I really want to appreciate you all that I've taken time to reach out and in a special way I want to thank the tribe of men that came through when I lost my dear mother a week ago. It was quite very tedious given that I was out of the country and I remember dropping a message on the men's forum and I said I need a free hand in the next one hour and men showed up and they said well I'm here I've been compiling this much time and they showed up they organized everything I really want to appreciate the man in me and the man kept team thank you so so much to the very last day when my mother was being lowered down and how about it was being lowered down in the casket. I had seven feeds of men that were giving me live updates in real time. I really want to thank you all those that spent the night at the vigil in the wee hours of the night and you kept in touch I really want to appreciate you. In a special way I want to appreciate the two uncles I want to appreciate Reverend Nathan I want to appreciate Elder Habit, Mwaleem and Immanuel as far as he was he kept in touch and in a special way I want to appreciate Honreble Balam Barbarari in a special way. I want to appreciate General Henry Tomokunde I really want to appreciate the deputy speak of Parliament these remain that kept me in check and above each and everyone I really want to appreciate my father. I want to thank my father for restraining me. Restraining me. I was raised up. I was I was hungry a couple of things the worst things were going but my father said this is a test for the man you become and no one prepares a man for such days that's the era of life but I really want to thank every man that stood with me and those who kept sending messages my very dear friends who kept checking on my family back and forth. I really want to appreciate you so much and I want to appreciate the Kingdom of Hope. So I really want to appreciate you especially the Catechiro of Buganda and Mama Souvianna Jinda I really want to appreciate you so much friends you'll never know how far your walks go until you know such situations try to home. I really want to appreciate everyone in your spiritual way the messages you send they're still coming in. I have not got time to respond to all of them but I want to thank you. I thank all the presidents of Ugandan's living in the diaspora especially those in the Kingdom of Tonga the Kingdom of Tivula the Kingdom the the great Commonwealth countries of Australia. Thanks so much for reaching out I really want to appreciate you so deeply and every Ugandan who reached out I really want to thank you. Yes I'm still grieving grieving text ages but I'm one of those who have actually seen a doula before I've seen a doula four times in my life I've seen a doula four times so death doesn't shock me I'm always expecting to be it as and when it strikes the only imbalance that comes with it is the people who are around you when it strikes but nonetheless we are back and today we are going to be speaking to one of our great chairman by the way for those of you who don't understand Mankev Yugi it's a very incorporated limited company with Nangaranta and our chairman at the top of this everything we're doing is a find the Sankasin. Just so you know just so you know so the the times when you feel like we're just doing things by Jua Kahli we know we are guided by a very great team and on the board we have the chairman is Mr Asan Kasin. We have three judges on the board we have two women who are in fintech that understand this and it's it's it's it's a whole thing so just don't look at Tamagir as one front or as the people that you see and you're like no it's it's it's not all that it there is the hierarchy of how this conversation goes and today we are having Mr Asan Kasin is coming in as we're discussing the elements of the elements of arranged marriages when this conversation came up it was very sensitive and this topic came three weeks ago and it was guided by what we're seeing on the social platforms and the discourses we're going through it was suggested by Fahad Amir Nsubokha and he had all the data he shared it with the team and you know we said we're going to look through it and here we are I want to request everyone on this platform kindly share this link to your friends and family in the different WhatsApp groups where you are please share let this go far and wide for this conversation to go on we're talking about arranged marriages did we abandon a system that worked for us we're looking at a system that we think we abandoned so to the father's husbands bachelor's elders mothers and women listening to us today morning welcome to the market today I want to invite you to a conversation that reaches beyond romance if I should say that way beyond weddings beyond the excitement of finding someone you love and I want us to interrogate the very act of the African family because before there was a wedding there was a family and before there was a husband there was a boy being raised somewhere and before there was a wife there was a girl growing up under the influence of a household a community and a set of values and before two people could actually two people could begin building a home together somebody had to prepare them for the responsibilities of sustaining one household this is how deep this conversation is going to go gentlemen at what point did marriage become an event we prepare for financially while neglecting to prepare the people who must live into it we spend months planning weddings we negotiate venues photographers clothing decorations and guest lists and all that we spend months planning weddings we negotiate venues and some people borrow money to celebrate marriage they barely prepared to sustain well some people borrow money to celebrate marriage yet they have not done that they are bringing enters the house they are family histories enter that house their expectations unresolved conflicts financial habits and understanding of responsibilities equally enter that house now I recently reflected heavily on a fascinating conversation about this traditional arrangements in which families begin preparing a boy for marriage while he was young they accumulated cattle and other resources it changes in one world the other it is something that you're just not going to bump into wherever you are on the African continent this conversation is designed for people of our skin finding our roots finding our genesis finding the areas of common interest where you can apologies for that friends our program for today will be taking rather an interesting time because many of us in our homes we build homes through marriages yes we met children through marriages and let me study right on top of this program there is nothing called an illegitimate child because every child has a husband as a father every child has a mother so the illegitimate people are the parents who are getting involved in an act that is legitimate you cannot tell me that a child comes out illegitimate so they are no illegitimate children they are illegitimate parents and many of us through our marriages have defined ourselves so just to bring it in context you have slept with people engaged in sexual activities with people produced children in those activities even some sometimes we want to get married you think you're getting married because you have assigned small little contract from the magistrates court of what values that and how is it and how will it be for the greater African as far as my marriage is concerned but what happens on the marriage convenience these are conversations you're having today what happens on the exchange of the kettle anything what happens when your own tribe as a man decides to enter into the womb of another woman to produce your own nation out of them what sort of transaction happens in these environments and in the moment that you decide that the relationship is no longer functional you wake up in the morning you feel like I can hire I can fire how does that interpret itself in terms of the spiritual realm in terms of the African epistemologies if I should go that way in terms of the African traditions and the rights and many of us if not most of us we are struggling with life simply because we have not understood how best we can manage our own homes and manage our marriages so that's a conversation we're having today and we're going to have we're very gratified to have Mr Asan Kastinje I've sent you a request to be a speaker but I think it's network that is doing us this service but I'm sure he's joining in very soon the conversation we're going harvest of arranged marriages when the topic went out the feedback we got from a couple of men and women they were saying yes I think this is where we need to go yes I think this is the best arrangement we can actually look at for I want you to look at the tide today in your community where you stay where you work from are you going to allow your children to just go out there in vibes and Michelle and find someone they love so dearly that they can give their kidneys and leave it to to become their spouses oh are you going to guide and dictate let me use the word looter would use are you going to dictate who they are going