You Up? 👀 | Ep. 10 Connection vs. Convenience

Thank you so much for joining us for the next episode of You Up. Can't believe it's episode 10 already. Makes me so happy. I feel like we've been having such great conversations. And I can't wait to be doing this every single day, eventually. But we'll get started in just a second. But just to start off, I want to discuss the purpose of this space. This space is a safe space. So anything that you do share, yes, it is a recorded space, but you're free and open to discuss anything that you want in a mature fashion. Anything revolving sex love really ships into the communication and connection, all the things that come with being human. I'm really excited about this topic because we've kind of been, I don't want to say all over the place, but we've definitely talked about some very uncomfortable things. But I think what I love talking about more is like the complexities around intimacy and relationships. So let's just get started. And I last last week, I kind of changed it up a little bit because it seemed like nobody wanted to be the first one to answer. Or they didn't know how to answer the question. So I'm just going to go ahead and answer the question first and that what happened last week? What? Oh, it was no, actually this pop in last week, it was a really great space. It was a really great space. But it just, I think that sometimes people don't want to be the first one to answer. So I'm just going to be the first one to answer. And then that will hopefully make people feel a little bit more comfortable about the conversation. So the first question tonight is, what's the difference between genuinely liking some and liking the attention that they give you? I think there is a big difference between being interested in someone, being interested in someone for who they are and being interested in how they make you feel about yourself. When I genuinely like someone, I want to know them beyond the surface. I want to understand how their mind works, what they're passionate about, what makes them happy. Even even the parts of themselves, they don't necessarily show everybody. Attention definitely feels good. We're all human, but we all want to feel wanted and desired, but attention doesn't automatically mean there's a genuine connection there. I've learned that someone can give you all the attention without actually being intentional about you. And just because someone is attracted to you doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in building something meaningful either. For me, it's all about consistency, curiosity, and effort. Are you interested in me as a person or do you just enjoy having access to me when it's convenient? Damn, you took the words right on my mouth. I could not have put it better. Yeah, you basically have to not help public. Mail on the head for you. I was going to say the exact same thing. Thank you, Corn. Thank you everybody. That has pulled out tonight. I really appreciate it. But do you have any takes on this Devon that I didn't already touch on or? No, I mean, I think you pretty much nailed it. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like the maybe I shouldn't answer first. I'm thinking I did have something to say about it. Now I've completely blanked. What's the difference between genuinely liking someone and liking the attention that they give you? Yeah, I mean, if you just like the attention that give you, you don't really like the person. In that case, you're being more of a vampire than anything. You're just taking. You're using them. Yeah. You're manipulating them for your game. You're using them to boost yourself a steam to boost your cloud who gains something from them. Whether it be food gifts. I don't know food food. Yeah. I was like, Oh, okay. I'm not saying I did it myself. I have known others who have saved men in their phones as free food, free dinner or whatever. Have you like someone that they know they can hit up to get food from essentially? Always put me down free food. That is diabolical. I've never done anything like that before because I don't know. I'm just not interested in stuff like that. But yeah, whatever they've been getting from after some, whether it be monetarily or whether it be physically or whether it be. You know, whatever the case may be, essentially, that's what they're like they don't really care about the person themselves, but they care about what you gain from them. Like I said, you're using them. Yeah. That is the sad thing about dating or, you know, thinking that you're dating somebody or the using of like someone using the other person. It might be mutually like they both might be using the other person for something and not really like the person, but like what they're receiving from said person. So just like people putting people down as food or physical or whatever they put you in the phone as that other person might have you in their phone as something else, whatever it may be. So I don't know. I don't know. So she's using him for food and he's using her for sex. Yeah. If I first said it. Yeah. Yeah. That valid. That makes that makes it impossible. Yeah. But we have some we have some new speakers on stage of guy, corn, hope for well, hope for his been here. But guy and hope for his. Thank you so much for joining us. And be thank you so much for being here. Metal everybody. Refraff girl. But I did see somebody in here earlier Mexican Pimp was here for a minute. That was interesting. And. I'm going to get into the listener. What you never know where you're going to find another listener. Yeah. Yeah. That's always great. But before before we move on. Not to the next question, but you know, ask anybody if they wanted to add anything before we move on to the next question. I want to ask everybody if they could like retweet and bookmark the space, tack a couple people that you think that might be interested in the conversation. So we can spread the space out into the algorithm. I would greatly appreciate it. But hopeers corn anybody else on stage. Would you like to touch on this topic before we move on to the next question. I'm just here to get some connections. And I don't want to be a convenience. So I'm just here to listen. Can me. I appreciate that. I don't know if that. Yeah. He's not. Oh, I'm personally. I'm personally targeted. I'm here for connections. And you're making me feel like I'm a convenience. No, never. Don't don't put that on me. Anyway, oh, welcome to the welcome to the stage lab. Welcome to space. Thank you. Hi guys. What's up? I'm driving home. We are vibing. Let's go and I have no idea what you're talking about yet. So I mean I'll just I'll pick it up from here. Awesome. Perfect. Thanks for having me. Yes, tonight. Yeah, thank you so much for joining. I really appreciate it. You've had some really great takes. And I just, I value having more men in the space as well because this woman we can talk all day long about this stuff. But it's really cool to hear the male perspective, especially around emotional complexities. So I love that. I'm going to just go ahead and move on to the next question, which is, can two people have a strong connection but still not be compatible for a relationship? I'll go ahead and answer this unless somebody else wants to take this one first. OK. OK. I have lots of female friends that I have just connection with but not more than just a friendship. So that is my answer, Bri. That is a great answer. And it's interesting because I've just heard different perspective over the years. Eat from both sides. Oh, men and women can't be friends. There's always going to be a want on one side for something more. And I don't necessarily agree with that. I have male friends and I don't see them like that. I see them completely platonic and as long as, and even with time, I've never seen them in any other way. But I've definitely experienced the strong connection but still not being compatible for a stand. I think you can have incredible chemistry with somebody, genuinely care about them and even love them but still not be compatible with ways that actually make a relationship work. I've learned that connection and compatibility are two completely different things. You can understand somebody have similar interests, share the same sense of humor and feel incredibly drawn to them. But if your needs aren't being met, that connection can only carry you so far. I'm someone who values quality time, communication, consistency, and feeling like I'm actually part of someone's life. I don't need somebody's attention 24-7, but I do need to feel like we're both making an effort. And something I've had to learn is that understanding why someone can't give you what you need doesn't mean you have to keep accepting less than what makes you happy. I don't think that necessarily makes either person wrong, sometimes two people can generally care about each other and just not be compatible of showing up for each other in the ways that you need or either of the person needs. You can love somebody and still recognize that the relationship isn't right for you. Go ahead, Guy. Yeah, I was just curious because you said, I don't feel certain way for them. But can you be 100%, I mean like 100 absolute percent that they don't feel anything for you? I guess I'm not sure what you're saying. Like I've got the first question, Guy. Yeah, no, she said like she went on a little rant, saying guys and girls can't be just friends because somebody always wants something more from the other. And then Bree said, I have male friends that I don't feel or see them that way. But can you be 100% sure that they don't see?