You Up? 👀 | Ep.8 What You Were Never Taught About Sex

Come on up everybody and welcome to you up episode eight. What were you never taught about sex with your host? Be drop free and co-host aqua Madax. How's everyone doing tonight? Amazing. How are you guys doing tonight? I am good. Good. Driving. Thanks everybody for yeah may has been killing it in spaces. I've also always been super bullish on the May account but she absolutely killing it in spaces. Yes thank you everybody for joining us. This is a judgment-free zone where we are going to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and tonight's topic is we are going to talk about what we never taught about sex. So let's just get into it. So the first question is, let me pull up my thing hopefully not rug myself but what do you wish you were taught about sex? That it's awkward. Yeah. Yes it's noisy, it's distracting. There's noises, there's smells, there's all kinds of sensory input that is not what you would expect when you're first learning about it or what you should watch porn as a teenager showed you obviously. So it gave us false expectations for sure. Absolutely. Or you know lack of education for sure. I think sex education focuses more on pregnancy, STIs, yeah. And the mechanical. And the mechanical was hey don't have sex that's all you need to know. Yeah it was more absidents based you know and just the mechanics but leaves out a lot of things that actually matter you know they don't talk about pleasure, communication, your body, emotional safety and you know education should start before sex is even a part of the conversation with like age appropriate conversations about good touch, bad touch boundaries and you know when something doesn't feel right to you those are actually really important topics that actually would you know be helpful and protect you. Yes luckily when I was young my mom gave me a book of what's happening to your body book for girls and it was an age appropriate kind of whole scientific description of puberty and hormones and why you're feeling the way you're feeling and attraction and such and it was it had like actual drawings and such so it was a lot more helpful as to what I was learning about versus going to school because going to school they were trying to teach abstinence to teenagers who some of them are already pregnant that's not going to work and a lot of times they didn't know the terminology for their own body parts right so you have children who are saying someone ate my cookie and you're not realizing what it actually meaning for example like that's just I think it's a definitely better forest action to the terminology of our own body parts to protect yourself that way. Yeah those are great points um yeah I just think you know it's not really on the school system I believe it's you know your parents or what your guardian should be at the forefront of that conversation before even gets to school they should be educating you you know and ultimately your kids should feel comfortable talking to you about that. I mean I certainly didn't you know my parents weren't really present at all um and I kind of had to I had older siblings and didn't grow up in a healthy environment so being exposed to things that I shouldn't have been exposed to and had to you know learn things when I shouldn't have been learning about them and um you know so I definitely feel like it starts at home first but the school definitely could be a beautiful partnership to that and help support those things that you know your parents are talking to you about but yeah what about you Devin? Just anything at all you know there's kind of just a lot to the school system to teach me anything and to be honest then teach me anything so then it was just like figuring out through experience so it's kind of you know everything uh you know parents I feel like telling me like a blue Lagoon it. Yeah I feel like for whatever reason parents get uncomfortable talk about the most basic human thing that we have like literally the only real job that any of us have like for whatever reason adults that birth you seem to struggle to talk about it they get like uncomfortable and awkward and then they make it awkward so then your initial reaction to sex is something of awkwardness when it shouldn't be that at all um so I think it'd be hard to pinpoint like the exact thing if anything I would say just like the deep like value and bond that can be formed around it I think approaching it that way would have just maybe put me on a little different of a track versus like only have sexual form of person because it means x, y and z when in actuality like that's not it's not the full story like there there's a deeper reason behind the intimacy and vulnerability that's all involved with it but because you know for whatever reason people get uncomfortable it just doesn't have the same effect and then you're left to you know sex ed and what was that like 2005 probably not the best probably not the best there's like abstinence but then like that was clearly out the window if you went to my school it was just like that wasn't a thing so the thing really yeah pregnant girls in this x-side class like kind of late it's like literally putting a condom on the baby efforts born yeah right yeah yeah yeah yeah and then like the whole thing is like we're just going to scare with STDs was like dude what was with that why were the people here showing us what like STDs look like like like in the horrors of birthing babies and just that I don't know that was not a process what is my my mom kind of over corrected I think when it came from it's because she told me that her parents never really sat her down and had the actual appropriate talk they just kind of said here you're gonna need pads when you're 12 and just gave them to her without telling her any contacts whereas my mom told me I can ask her anything whenever she could she would be honest but she did not tell me that there was a time and place like an asterisk so when you're six years old and you're blurting out in the middle of the mall hey mom what was being it's kind of awkward yeah I my ma well my dad didn't want to have any part of the conversation which I was like perfectly okay with that but like my mom either was in a way oversharer and not of in a I don't know an appropriate way and just didn't give me like age appropriate information so it was just very confusing for me and I was always like very inquisitive like I was always like why is this why is that like I was constantly questioning everything um and because I just was always like a little kid that went why why why yeah I was just I just wanted to know everything I was just like a sponge for information and I just I don't know but not getting getting the correct information I would love to hear from May as she is a parent of multiple children so getting her perspective I know her children are young right now but she is a mother so I would love to hear like her opinion on that yeah I feel like um Devon kind of hit the spot that I was uh having in mind which is the spiritual aspect of it but to kind of elaborate further like yeah the spiritual like the deep connection is something that was never told I wasn't really um like you guys too like I wasn't really given a lot of information other than like the bare minimum of like don't don't fuck it up like don't give pregnant or good in a city but I mean other than that there wasn't really an elaboration on the value of it um it was all just fear fear fear but I really do wish that I had been told the spiritual benefits but also the spiritual consequences right like when you share your body with another person what what that does if it's not the right person and and what it means to open yourself up spiritually to someone in like that intimate way I think that the consequence is something that I wish I'd been told more of as well because I think I would have been a lot pickier um you know as a teenager and in college and stuff I would have been a lot pickier if I had thought about it that way yeah that's a great point and that kind of rolls us into the next question as well um I feel like I agree with you I would have been a lot pickier um had I had more education um you know and just like had more guidance in general but you live and you learn and you make certain choices but those choices do help you grow as a person regardless of you know what you've been given but Brad um before we move on to the next question I'd love to hear from you yeah hey breathe a aqua doesn't everybody um I hope I caught the right part of the question but I'll I'll just drop this um the only advice etc that I got from my parents let's say so to speak and actually from my dad he said one thing he says I got one piece of advice for you you don't go around spreading wild oats and hoping for a crop failure that's all I got and the rest was up to me it figured it out and you repeat the advice please you repeat you don't go around spreading wild oats and hoping for a crop failure that's an interesting metaphor yeah yeah and I didn't I didn't understand it at the time uh it took me a while to figure out what the hell did he say his he was always doing stuff that made you think uh he was very analytical he was an engineer he worked his way up from World War II as a welder uh into the Navy and World War II and then on after that uh became a welder at different places but then ultimately uh got a um position at Bethlehem Steel Corporation uh starting out in the factory and welding and then moved on up into engineering so he was became a from a blue collar to a white collar worker uh ladder up right but uh he was yeah god darn it I missed the hell out of him um and I'm always thinking you know at certain times and pointing my life wherever I'm at or whatever I might be out in the woods hunting deer or whatever at the time and I could sit there and think you know okay dad what would you say what would you do hey dad uh say dad that you know so he's he's always with me uh they're always gonna be with me and no matter what but uh that's what that's what uh